Hope Deferred

The definition of each word according to http://www.webster.com/

Main Entry: 1hope
Pronunciation: \ˈhōp\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): hoped; hop·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English hopian; akin to Middle High German hoffen to hope
Date: before 12th century
intransitive verb 1 : to cherish a desire with anticipation 2 archaic : trusttransitive verb 1 : to desire with expectation of obtainment2 : to expect with confidence : trust
synonyms see expect
— hop·er noun
— hope against hope : to hope without any basis for expecting fulfillment



Main Entry: de·ferred
Function: adjective
Date: 1651
1 : withheld for or until a stated time 2 : charged in cases of delayed handling



And then what God says about it:
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.


I have to say… today has been a hope deferred day. You would think by the time I reached the ripe-old- age of 29, I would have learned my lesson. I guess I have on different levels. For the most part I am content with my current state of being. I know that I have tons of people who love and support me. I know that I am able to do, for the most part, anything I want to.

But there is still that ach. It seems to come at the worst time. It is never announced. And, it’s like the flu, once it does appear, you are down for the count. It reminds me of a stalker, always lurking in the darkness, ready to rape every ounce of dignity you have and leave you feeling empty, alone, and pretty much a total disgrace. There is no bandage big enough to cover this heartache.

Somehow, a glimmer of hope comes and restores a level of your dignity. That reminder, you are above your circumstances. That Someone better and more worthy is jealous for your heart. He is the only one who really deserves it. The only one who has any right to stake claim of me. How beautiful is that Love?

(I have to put a disclaimer here. This writing is so therapeutic for me. I have really gone in a paragraph from a deep level of self-pity, to a deep sense of my Lovers desire for me. How much better is that, than any other thing…)

As I am writing this I have a deep sense of my worth rekindled. Because my life is not about this earth and what will or will not happen here. It’s about a total captivation. That is the only place where I can find beauty, where I can find peace and satisfaction. I only want to be there.

This thought just popped into my head. You know when you are around people who are super-secure with themselves and they just make you feel super-insecure. Imagine if we all really caught onto the aspect of how God really sees us and really feels about us how much damage we could do to the enemy by just being. Not saying or doing anything. Just being.



(Prayer for myself and anyone else who wants to claim it…)

God, I want to BE in You. I pray you give me strength for the days and the months ahead where the enemy would desire to fill my head with doubt and insecurity, that Your voice would resonate in me constantly. Remind me how much I mean to you God. Remind me of what You see in me. You are the Revealer of Mysteries, come reveal Yourself to me. I want more. In a lost and dying world, filled with the desires of self, You will fill all of my desires with You. Remind me of that plan. I love You.