This morning when I left my house I was greeted by a beautiful warm sun that I have been missing for days. With that, several things began surfacing up in my heart. The first is some ministry I received last weekend that spoke into an area that this person had no idea about, fear of intimacy. And then last night that ministry was the thing I went to sleep praying and thinking on, asking God to heal those wounds. The ministry I received was to repair what the divorce of my parents had left behind in me, but in reality that is not where the root of my wounding came from. I had to think on the first, some-what, real relationship I had that lasted almost my entire high school years. Me and the guy had started out friends for a few years before, and one weekend in the spring, on an unsupervised youth outing, we had our first kiss that left me in a tailspin downward.
The guy was a great guy! When I was out with our friends doing stupid things he attempted to be the voice of reason to me, but I did not listen because of the hurt he had already caused me. I was to him, what I would call, his go-to girl. We only ever spent time together when he had no one else to have. Because our older sisters were best friends we always had a way to see each other. Or we were always at a church function where we could escape without any questions being asked. How I wish questions had been asked.
I am not sure what he was thinking through these years, all I know is that when school was out for a break I was sure to have him come knocking, and I always answered. We would be at church even and find a place to hide where no one else would think of looking and make mistakes. The time that left the deepest wound I think was one Easter break. Things were so different in my heart. I thought he and I were really going to BE this time. He had been dating a little cheerleader and as he told me they had broken up just before spring break. So we started again. I think we spent almost everyday together, and I could not wait till Monday morning, to walk down the hall holding his hand.
Monday morning rolled around, but he did not have my hand in his. Instead he had the cheerleader’s hand, and it seemed like they had never been apart. I cried so much that day! And he never said a word to me about it. I felt like such a fool, again.
I know this may sound like just another high school saga, and my sisters would say it was. But for years it left me feeling like I was never worthy of love. Like I was never going to be “the one” to someone else, and I have carried that for so long. I know, somewhere in me, that it is not true. But I also keep having that fear of rejection rise up again and again. So I choose to through it off again, and remember…
“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair,” (Isaiah 61:1-4 NIV).
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Someone else wrote this but I wanted to share it anyway! LOL!
BEING A PERSON OF INFLUENCE
“You are our letter, ...... for everyone to read and understand.” - 2 Cor. 3:2
ARE YOU MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD IN WHICH YOU LIVE?
Why is this question so important? Because nobody has a greater investment in us than God and God is serious about His investment. You and I are to be "change agents." We should be making a difference in the lives of individuals within our sphere of influence.
How Do We Influence Others In A Positive Sense?
If we follow the following principles, we will have an influence for God's Kingdom far beyond what we could imagine.
1) Always keep a right spirit You and I are constantly on show and the person who doesn't know Christ is looking to see how we will react in different circumstances. We must constantly guard our heart and not allow any root of bitterness to develop when people or life treats us unfairly. We influence others by what we say or by what we don’t say. A great example is David in the cave of Adullam (1 Sam.22:1-2). He had every right to be resentful and when he was joined by those who became his mighty men, he could have complained, but made a decision to keep a right spirit. David’s character and conduct literally changed their lives and made them fit to be his leaders.
2) Consistency and conviction that does not shift
Whether we realize it or not, our example leaves an impression on others. We must not portray to be one thing and then show to be someone else. We must be men and women that live by their principles, not by their impulses! We must stand for what is right, good and wholesome - living by God's standards. What we do should match what we say. In other words, not presenting one set of rules and living by another. People want to see that we are real - that we have no hidden agendas or ulterior motives. To avoid being classified as a hypocrite, our hearts must be aligned with our lips. When dealing with others there is to be no strings attached. We must learn to give freely without expecting anything in return.
3) A Lover Of God And His Ways
To make an impact for God, we must be a people that are “growing in the knowledge of God.” As long as you are satisfied with the way things are, you will never change anything. We should never be content with our level of devotion to God. The more you know God (getting an understanding of His attributes), the deeper your love for Him. This understanding comes by discovering Him through His Word. If the Word is not in your heart, it won’t come out of your mouth and therefore, your influence on others will be minimal. When you love God more, you want to talk about Him to others. You might say to yourself, "How can I have any influence on others, I feel so inadequate and unqualified to speak for Him." Remember, none of us were born qualified, we become qualified by spending time with Jesus.
4) By Allowing God’s Love To Shine Through Us
John 15:8 – “This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” God wants each one of us to be fruitful in our lives. He has blessed us in so many ways – why? So that we might be a blessing to others. For God’s love to minister to others, we must be accessible to them - you can’t help people from a distance, you can only do it up close. Paul said in 2 Cor 6:2, “Now is the time of God’s favour”. Paul was convinced that NOW is the day of salvation. Driven by this conviction and by love for others, Paul gave his all to win them to Christ. It is our responsibility to tell others about Jesus, but many times we don’t even need to even say anything - just live the life. We must realise that our life is being observed by others and by God. We must constantly guard our heart and keep watch over our lives because we have no idea who’s observing our life today.
CHALLENGE
There are a number of things that will hinder us from making a difference. These are: 1. the idea that we need a special ministry or anointing before we can make a difference; 2. A feeling of apathy towards reaching out to others; and 3. Too busy to give ourselves to making a difference.
Don't let these things hinder you. Ask yourself these questions: 1) Am I having a positive influence on those around me – my children, grand children, friends, relatives, work mates and neighbours? 2) Will I choose to make a difference today? What am I going to do to change things?
Prayer
Lord help me to be an example of righteousness, integrity, truth and love to others. Help me to speak words that will bring spirit and life and not words that will deliver death and destroy people's lives. I ask today that above all, Christ would be seen in me.
Rod Best
“You are our letter, ...... for everyone to read and understand.” - 2 Cor. 3:2
ARE YOU MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD IN WHICH YOU LIVE?
Why is this question so important? Because nobody has a greater investment in us than God and God is serious about His investment. You and I are to be "change agents." We should be making a difference in the lives of individuals within our sphere of influence.
How Do We Influence Others In A Positive Sense?
If we follow the following principles, we will have an influence for God's Kingdom far beyond what we could imagine.
1) Always keep a right spirit You and I are constantly on show and the person who doesn't know Christ is looking to see how we will react in different circumstances. We must constantly guard our heart and not allow any root of bitterness to develop when people or life treats us unfairly. We influence others by what we say or by what we don’t say. A great example is David in the cave of Adullam (1 Sam.22:1-2). He had every right to be resentful and when he was joined by those who became his mighty men, he could have complained, but made a decision to keep a right spirit. David’s character and conduct literally changed their lives and made them fit to be his leaders.
2) Consistency and conviction that does not shift
Whether we realize it or not, our example leaves an impression on others. We must not portray to be one thing and then show to be someone else. We must be men and women that live by their principles, not by their impulses! We must stand for what is right, good and wholesome - living by God's standards. What we do should match what we say. In other words, not presenting one set of rules and living by another. People want to see that we are real - that we have no hidden agendas or ulterior motives. To avoid being classified as a hypocrite, our hearts must be aligned with our lips. When dealing with others there is to be no strings attached. We must learn to give freely without expecting anything in return.
3) A Lover Of God And His Ways
To make an impact for God, we must be a people that are “growing in the knowledge of God.” As long as you are satisfied with the way things are, you will never change anything. We should never be content with our level of devotion to God. The more you know God (getting an understanding of His attributes), the deeper your love for Him. This understanding comes by discovering Him through His Word. If the Word is not in your heart, it won’t come out of your mouth and therefore, your influence on others will be minimal. When you love God more, you want to talk about Him to others. You might say to yourself, "How can I have any influence on others, I feel so inadequate and unqualified to speak for Him." Remember, none of us were born qualified, we become qualified by spending time with Jesus.
4) By Allowing God’s Love To Shine Through Us
John 15:8 – “This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” God wants each one of us to be fruitful in our lives. He has blessed us in so many ways – why? So that we might be a blessing to others. For God’s love to minister to others, we must be accessible to them - you can’t help people from a distance, you can only do it up close. Paul said in 2 Cor 6:2, “Now is the time of God’s favour”. Paul was convinced that NOW is the day of salvation. Driven by this conviction and by love for others, Paul gave his all to win them to Christ. It is our responsibility to tell others about Jesus, but many times we don’t even need to even say anything - just live the life. We must realise that our life is being observed by others and by God. We must constantly guard our heart and keep watch over our lives because we have no idea who’s observing our life today.
CHALLENGE
There are a number of things that will hinder us from making a difference. These are: 1. the idea that we need a special ministry or anointing before we can make a difference; 2. A feeling of apathy towards reaching out to others; and 3. Too busy to give ourselves to making a difference.
Don't let these things hinder you. Ask yourself these questions: 1) Am I having a positive influence on those around me – my children, grand children, friends, relatives, work mates and neighbours? 2) Will I choose to make a difference today? What am I going to do to change things?
Prayer
Lord help me to be an example of righteousness, integrity, truth and love to others. Help me to speak words that will bring spirit and life and not words that will deliver death and destroy people's lives. I ask today that above all, Christ would be seen in me.
Rod Best
Monday, February 7, 2011
The last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about what the future may hold. And in that, what I have felt the Lord has been saying about it. It’s funny when you can hear God clearly how much peace you have but the second you doubt, the FLOOD that comes in after it! Well that is kind of what I experienced the last few months.
Since November I have been in a battle with my car and family cars that they let me borrow for a bit. First, the Sunday before Thanksgiving my car decides the blow a rod in the engine. (For anyone who knows about cars, I bet you made a grown sound after reading that. Everyone else did.) Then after driving my dads 96’ Chevy Truck for about two weeks the transmission decided to go out on me. (Grrrrr…) So then my wonderful sister let me borrow her spare vehicle. For no known reason the battery just stopped working one day! She never had a problem with it! It just decided to stop! For me of course!
Through that experience I realized God wanted me to trust Him and believe that I could hear Him! I know this because for some time I have had a tendency to confess that I could not hear Him. So, He took time to prove to me that I can! LOL! So as I always do, I got through that situation, only to fall into the same pattern with the next “trial” that came about! I really don’t like how human I can be sometimes!
This time I had about 2 weeks, ironically after getting my new car, that I kept questioning everything He had told me! It was almost getting to the point of causing a bit of a depression in me. I kept going back and forth with what was true! And found myself listening to so many other voices that were causing me to doubt what I felt in my heart of hearts was God. I felt like there was such a war on the inside of me deep in my stomach. I was sleeping a lot and not eating well, at all! Even my thoughts were getting difficult to control. I would keep going to places of agreeing with the enemy, not trusting that He is good and He is trustworthy! I felt with every ounce of my being that if I got a word from someone then that would help to point me in the right direction! But everyone that I went to had nothing. (I believe God did this so that I would trust in hearing Him for myself!)
The other night though, we had a group of people come to town from Wisconsin. During the first night of ministry they gave people a chance to get words or prayer. So I went up and just told them I was having a hard time hearing God again and asked for direction in that. The husband and wife both prayed for me and after the prayer the wife said two things to me. First, that God is delighted with me and second, that I needed to go back and read the dreams God has given me to remind me what He is doing. WOW! I was a little stunned! For me I have not felt like much of a delight to God because I felt like I was always asking Him what in the world He wanted from me! But I was sure to write down many of the dreams I have had the last few months. Needless to say I was very encouraged!
So, what is my point… Well… I know God is doing something! And I know in the midst of that He wants to bring me through it as a better and more trusting person. So I can choose to give up now and attempt to get what I want in my own powers. Or, I can trust for a little longer in the things He has spoken to my heart and believe they are going to come to pass.
I think I am going to choose the second.
Since November I have been in a battle with my car and family cars that they let me borrow for a bit. First, the Sunday before Thanksgiving my car decides the blow a rod in the engine. (For anyone who knows about cars, I bet you made a grown sound after reading that. Everyone else did.) Then after driving my dads 96’ Chevy Truck for about two weeks the transmission decided to go out on me. (Grrrrr…) So then my wonderful sister let me borrow her spare vehicle. For no known reason the battery just stopped working one day! She never had a problem with it! It just decided to stop! For me of course!
Through that experience I realized God wanted me to trust Him and believe that I could hear Him! I know this because for some time I have had a tendency to confess that I could not hear Him. So, He took time to prove to me that I can! LOL! So as I always do, I got through that situation, only to fall into the same pattern with the next “trial” that came about! I really don’t like how human I can be sometimes!
This time I had about 2 weeks, ironically after getting my new car, that I kept questioning everything He had told me! It was almost getting to the point of causing a bit of a depression in me. I kept going back and forth with what was true! And found myself listening to so many other voices that were causing me to doubt what I felt in my heart of hearts was God. I felt like there was such a war on the inside of me deep in my stomach. I was sleeping a lot and not eating well, at all! Even my thoughts were getting difficult to control. I would keep going to places of agreeing with the enemy, not trusting that He is good and He is trustworthy! I felt with every ounce of my being that if I got a word from someone then that would help to point me in the right direction! But everyone that I went to had nothing. (I believe God did this so that I would trust in hearing Him for myself!)
The other night though, we had a group of people come to town from Wisconsin. During the first night of ministry they gave people a chance to get words or prayer. So I went up and just told them I was having a hard time hearing God again and asked for direction in that. The husband and wife both prayed for me and after the prayer the wife said two things to me. First, that God is delighted with me and second, that I needed to go back and read the dreams God has given me to remind me what He is doing. WOW! I was a little stunned! For me I have not felt like much of a delight to God because I felt like I was always asking Him what in the world He wanted from me! But I was sure to write down many of the dreams I have had the last few months. Needless to say I was very encouraged!
So, what is my point… Well… I know God is doing something! And I know in the midst of that He wants to bring me through it as a better and more trusting person. So I can choose to give up now and attempt to get what I want in my own powers. Or, I can trust for a little longer in the things He has spoken to my heart and believe they are going to come to pass.
I think I am going to choose the second.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Moving on...
...I have found again, that I have a problem with this. Moving on. Contrary to popular belief it is not that I don't want to move on, it is just the opposite. All I ever want to do is move. Thinking today about the last 10 or so years of my life I have been so discontent. To most I seem totally fine. But where it matters, on the inside, I am constantly dreaming about the "next thing." I need to peace on the inside. I think I have had it for a fleeting moment or two in the last decade. I want it with consistency though.
Two weeks ago at church the message was about prophetic words that we may have shelved and left to collect dust because they did not come to pass as "quickly" as we would have liked for them to. This was a familiar message that I have heard at least 2 or 3 times in the past few years. But that day, during that message, the Lord reminded me of one that literally made me jump out of my seat. Then I could not stop shaking. It was a very powerful moment. And ever since then I have had that and very little else on my mind.
I know that is not God's heart. And it is not why He did what He did. I believe God, even in the midst of my disbelief. Just because what You are doing does not look like what I thought it would, I will be patient and wait for You to do what You do so well! Along with allowing me ample grace for the days to come. I need peace on the inside.
I want peace on the inside.
Monday, February 22, 2010
February 22, 2010
For some reason I can’t help but be excited about today. I’m not sure why. I’m expectant. This weekend was a little rough with some heart to heart conversations that had to take place, but once they were done they not only brought me freedom but also those who were a part of them with me. None of us have been the same since.
Church on Sunday was awesome. The video that was shown, for some reason, made me so emotional. How the story of God providing for the woman with an abundance of oil so her sons would not be sold into slavery has never impacted me like that did. Now, I feel like I have a new passion to cry out for the things God has. Kind of like my last post. I’m not totally sure why that person gave me the word he did, but I’m hearing it a lot now!
So God, come teach me how to cry out to you! Make me steadfast, immovable and abounding in Love!
Psalm 112:7
He will not fear evil tidings;
His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Isaiah 26:3
The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You.
1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.
Church on Sunday was awesome. The video that was shown, for some reason, made me so emotional. How the story of God providing for the woman with an abundance of oil so her sons would not be sold into slavery has never impacted me like that did. Now, I feel like I have a new passion to cry out for the things God has. Kind of like my last post. I’m not totally sure why that person gave me the word he did, but I’m hearing it a lot now!
So God, come teach me how to cry out to you! Make me steadfast, immovable and abounding in Love!
Psalm 112:7
He will not fear evil tidings;
His heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Isaiah 26:3
The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You.
1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
February 20th, 2010
Tonight I am was in the Burn from nine to midnight. Around eleven I started pacing and praying with the IHOP-KC Live Stream. They were praying and talking about the next season that the Lord is bringing on the earth and how we have to press into what He is doing. Just like Elijah bent down and prayed even more when his servant came back and said there was a cloud the size of a mans hand. He kept pressing God for MORE. I want to be there too. I know we are in a place of transition, but I have so much peace. Why? In the past, when transition comes I am so uncomfortable. I want to run or get away from it. It is almost painful. But this one seems so easy. I don’t understand… but He does.
“But for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.”
Micah 7:7
“But for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.”
Micah 7:7
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
New Song
So today I came into the Burn to spend 3 hours. I had a lot of stuff to do at home and work this week has been quite crazy, so part of me really wanted to just spend the evening in. But… I opted to be with God instead. When I first got here my car decided to get stuck so that was my first half hour gone. Then I got in and got somewhat calmed down from the frustration my car inflicts as it desires, so I sat down to play the keyboard and worship. Then the renters upstairs decided to make themselves known to me by stomping repeatedly!!! (CAN A GIRL GET A BREAK!!!)
The thing I want to focus on from tonight though is when the person prayed me into the room when he was done, he gave me a word. He told me,”God is jealous for your time!” He went on to express other aspects of the word that really spoke volumes to me. In fact, I was praying about some of these things when I was in the shower after work. Asking God about my other interests and how I really don’t want any of them, just Him. But it is a struggle. It is very difficult for me to let go of some of the things I have held on to for so long. Things that I have looked at for so long as being so harmless and innocent. Yet now I see them as tiny little drops of poison.
So when I sat down at the keyboard, this is the song that started to pour out of my mouth:
If You really love me like You say You do, come and show me.
If You really want me like You say You do, come and meet with me
If You really love me like You say You do, come and show me
If You really want me like You say You do, come and meet with me
Come and calm the questions in my mind
Come bring peace into my life
Come give me understanding
Come reveal Your mystery
Because I really need You
Maybe someday someone else will hear it. Or maybe it will be my cry. Who know…
The thing I want to focus on from tonight though is when the person prayed me into the room when he was done, he gave me a word. He told me,”God is jealous for your time!” He went on to express other aspects of the word that really spoke volumes to me. In fact, I was praying about some of these things when I was in the shower after work. Asking God about my other interests and how I really don’t want any of them, just Him. But it is a struggle. It is very difficult for me to let go of some of the things I have held on to for so long. Things that I have looked at for so long as being so harmless and innocent. Yet now I see them as tiny little drops of poison.
So when I sat down at the keyboard, this is the song that started to pour out of my mouth:
If You really love me like You say You do, come and show me.
If You really want me like You say You do, come and meet with me
If You really love me like You say You do, come and show me
If You really want me like You say You do, come and meet with me
Come and calm the questions in my mind
Come bring peace into my life
Come give me understanding
Come reveal Your mystery
Because I really need You
Maybe someday someone else will hear it. Or maybe it will be my cry. Who know…
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