The last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about what the future may hold. And in that, what I have felt the Lord has been saying about it. It’s funny when you can hear God clearly how much peace you have but the second you doubt, the FLOOD that comes in after it! Well that is kind of what I experienced the last few months.
Since November I have been in a battle with my car and family cars that they let me borrow for a bit. First, the Sunday before Thanksgiving my car decides the blow a rod in the engine. (For anyone who knows about cars, I bet you made a grown sound after reading that. Everyone else did.) Then after driving my dads 96’ Chevy Truck for about two weeks the transmission decided to go out on me. (Grrrrr…) So then my wonderful sister let me borrow her spare vehicle. For no known reason the battery just stopped working one day! She never had a problem with it! It just decided to stop! For me of course!
Through that experience I realized God wanted me to trust Him and believe that I could hear Him! I know this because for some time I have had a tendency to confess that I could not hear Him. So, He took time to prove to me that I can! LOL! So as I always do, I got through that situation, only to fall into the same pattern with the next “trial” that came about! I really don’t like how human I can be sometimes!
This time I had about 2 weeks, ironically after getting my new car, that I kept questioning everything He had told me! It was almost getting to the point of causing a bit of a depression in me. I kept going back and forth with what was true! And found myself listening to so many other voices that were causing me to doubt what I felt in my heart of hearts was God. I felt like there was such a war on the inside of me deep in my stomach. I was sleeping a lot and not eating well, at all! Even my thoughts were getting difficult to control. I would keep going to places of agreeing with the enemy, not trusting that He is good and He is trustworthy! I felt with every ounce of my being that if I got a word from someone then that would help to point me in the right direction! But everyone that I went to had nothing. (I believe God did this so that I would trust in hearing Him for myself!)
The other night though, we had a group of people come to town from Wisconsin. During the first night of ministry they gave people a chance to get words or prayer. So I went up and just told them I was having a hard time hearing God again and asked for direction in that. The husband and wife both prayed for me and after the prayer the wife said two things to me. First, that God is delighted with me and second, that I needed to go back and read the dreams God has given me to remind me what He is doing. WOW! I was a little stunned! For me I have not felt like much of a delight to God because I felt like I was always asking Him what in the world He wanted from me! But I was sure to write down many of the dreams I have had the last few months. Needless to say I was very encouraged!
So, what is my point… Well… I know God is doing something! And I know in the midst of that He wants to bring me through it as a better and more trusting person. So I can choose to give up now and attempt to get what I want in my own powers. Or, I can trust for a little longer in the things He has spoken to my heart and believe they are going to come to pass.
I think I am going to choose the second.